My ATM looks so different sober.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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