Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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