well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
