Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
