It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
