Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
