Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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