He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
