wakey wakey hands off snakey
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
