When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
