A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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