if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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