Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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