I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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