Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
