What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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