Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
