If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
