She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
