Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
