i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
