Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you had me at cake vodka
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
