I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just high enough for therapy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
