I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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