Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They took my balls.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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