She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
