i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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