if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
