she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
