Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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