the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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