Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
