You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
