He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
