i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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