worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
