Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
