She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
