finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
