Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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