i barfeds in our rink
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
