insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
