I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
