I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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