Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
