She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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