sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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