He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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