I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
