Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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